How do I love thee let me count the ways

I spoke to my husband about how I felt when a friend gave me these very endearing glances, it was daunting as I expected a huge jealous drama would ensue but he acknowledged my wanting some affections. And I told him that I wanted that from him and not from anyone else. He promised to be more expressive with his affections. I told him I want flowers, I want a slow walk hand-in hand where-ever, by the beach preferably. I want to watch the sun set with him. I want him to be around when I have performances.. He can't promise to grant most of these requests but he promised to do his best.

We are planning to conceive our second child, but I think it would be too late now if my Cabaret performance were to fall on November 2010. I need to be fit at least 4 months before November. So I think the best time to conceive is next year November! In the meantime let me enjoy being thin and slim for one more year. Sally Bowles will rock Malaysia next year. Yea!

I am also starring in KLpac's new musical Adam. We will be performing on stage in May 2010. This play is about AIDS or what laymen do not understand about the disease. We spoke about it the last time we had the casts meeting. Most of us agree there are alot that we do not know, especially how it is transfered. This will be an interesting journey.

In the meantime I'm working on Kelam...Bu, a play about an incestous father who raped most of his daughters. I'm playing Ogy one of the raped daughter who turns to prostitution. This is my first Malay theater. It will be staged on 17th and 18th December in ASWARA.

What do you call that look?

The look you gave me. Sheepish, inquisitive, attentive, interested... what do you call it? Will you be looking at me the same way again, when I see you in a different setting? Under a different light? Will I miss that look for noone has looked at me that way for the longest of time. I can't remember who the last person too. How do I describe that look... a slight tilt of your head, eyes straight into mine looking for answers. You lowered your gaze a few time, and when I looked away there it was again. It is not so much to know why you gave me the look it is just that how I miss feeling so blessed knowing someone really looked inside.

One small armchair

This afternoon we sat on the same chair. All chairs were taken you offered yours but I declined. I needed to nap coz did't have enough sleep the night before, you made me sit beside you on the same chair. A small armchair made for one shared by two. I had my nap you had your rest too. As I was dozing off I felt you breathing beside me. Short inhales n exhales, warm gentle pressure on my side. I could hear your heart...

Being a Mummy and a Cartoon Dubber

I took my son to work last night. I had to do my usual dubbing session at MSPost for TAMA and Friends and no babysitter came to mind so brought him along. He was pleasantly well-behaved thank goodness! The director Miss Alin was exceptionally sweet to Esfahan so he behaved pretty well. They charmed each other so that was very sweet. I managed to work peacefully despite his occasional call for mummy. Just had to let him know I was close by and he was off playing again.

Daddy manage to get him from MSpost around 8pm. I finished TAMA then started with NINJA BOYS at 10pm. I finished recording at 3.30 am. Got home both of my heroes were sleeping. Daddy managed to give me updates on what our son did with him. Sweetness…

Syawal 2009

Beautiful... 1st Syawal in Ampang with my Abang Yus n family, 2nd n 3rd Syawal in Kuantan with MIL. 4th Syawal back in the Aman-hood.

Up-coming shows... Charity musical at Klpac January 2010, Another show with lotsa Dancing June 2010. Cabaret November 2010.

Got a call from Pesona Pictures to appear in Hari Raya Aidil Adha show. Gonna sing Tika the song that appeared in their movie Waris Jari Hantu. Eventhough it will the usual mindless performance that is expected when you do a tv musical appearance, I will get to work with my husband. He's directing the show. So that will be fun!

Kaki BLue BLues

Time for a little peace... I was a huge wreck lastnight coz the Deputy Minister of Defence came to watch Kaki Blue. I was so nervous like it was a break it ot make it performance for me. Today Joe Hasham gave us encouragement by saying lastnight's performance was good. Yea right! Well maybe he was in a good mood. O BTW we might have a H1N1 scare as what is said in the grapevine someone should have been quarantined. Every1 is sick now. Coughing away after every song.. It kinda get a bit embarassing actually. I sense the discomfort from the audience when Leah cough right after the 1st verse in NS song. Dat poor girl.

I saw Kak Sayang gave us a standing ovation just now. She waved at me but I was told dat I cannot wave to the audience. I held back and I felt terrible. I sooo wanted to raised my arm to her but I recalled Joe saying "I'll kill you if you wave at the audience during curtain call" I gave her a respectful bow instead... AAARGH she probably thought I was rude. But it was so sweet of her to come and watch Kaki Blue.

Another 2 stressful days and then I'm back to being me again. I truly need a break. Some of the casts n hand are getting on my nerves... The newborn primadonnas who are just so concerned about whether or not they are famous, the baby who constantly needing reassuring hugs just before the show, and the not so helpful hand backstage who suppose to manage the wardrobes but only manage to chat on the phone for hours during the show (ignoring the hectic change that the casts are supposed to make during the cikgu to NS trainer change) OH yea she ate in the changing room again, nasi and chicken curry. She spilled the curry on the floor and the casts had to clean after her so to avoid our costume from being soiled.

The only time she was helpful was during the beginning of act 2 the transition of sekolah scene and the NS training ground. She picked up the canvas that was being thrown to the floor. O how thoughtful of her...

I'm trying to analyse why I feel disturbed by these individuals..

1. I think primadonnas r overated! You work like a dog and get paid peanuts, you want to act like a Diva? For what? If you direct the show n star in the show becoz your daddy paid for everything that is in the show like that other show I was in then I can understand. But to star in a low-budget show that gives a disclaimer during the audition that the pay will be based on profit sharing, I think it's best not to try to even think that you even have a limelight.

2. I didn't feel like hugging you because I have a flu and everyone else has a flu I don't feel very huggy... So leave me alone!

3. You hate your job doing the wardrobe... You have done the best you can but it is just not good ebough for most of us who wanted more assistance.

Can't wait for the show to end... But I'll miss everyone.. Hanging for dear life

My silent venting

I rasa kalau takat nak berlakon teater untuk dapat glamer, nama kuar majalah atau akhbar, baik tak payah berlakon beb. Kerja pelakon bukan untuk dapat nama... Kalau dah bagus orang akan suka dengan sendiri tak payah nak menonjolkan diri sampai menjatuhkan orang lain. Dunia ni pun sementara, benda yang kecil pun nak dimegahkan? Orang dok cakap pasal bakat. Bakat semulajadi? Tak pernah I nampak pulak! Tapi selalunya orang yang kata dirinya ada bakat sentiasa Bangga diri. Over acting. Tak Ikhlas. Menipu penonton. Buruk sangka pada orang lain yang bersungguh-sungguh bekerja. Hasad. Lupa diri. Orang berseni ker tu? Artis ker tu? O.. penggunaan terma artis di sini bukan bermaksud selebriti. Artis amat berbeza dengan selebriti. Orang berkarya berbeza dengan orang ternama. Faham maksudnya? Jadi tak semua artis itu selebriti. Tapi kebanyakan selebriti adalah artis (dan yang perasan artis).

Kalau awak kena tegur atas pentas oleh teman pelakon, dia bukan nak jadi tuan direktor. Dia nak memperbaiki persembahan. Takat tegur pasal spacing semasa di pentas bukan cuba mendirect namanya. Terima je lar komen memandai dia tapi tak payahlah nak pergi komplen kat seluruh dunia ada orang nak jadi tuan direktor jugak... Nak buat tuan direktor marah untuk apa? Kalau awak tak boleh ditegur oleh teman sekerja, cakap terus. Thank you for your comment but I will listen to the director. Kan senang.

Tak suka orang lain diberi pujian? Aiyoooo (Bak kata Major Sabar)...
Pujian dari lidah manusia, tak ada makna la beb. Kalau kerja untuk dapat pujian, maka tak ada keikhlasan lar kerja awak. Orang tu memang bersungguh-sungguh, awak kata dia cuba nak curi lampu hijau awak? Ya Allah... Suluh lah muka awak sendiri kalau tak cukup lampu spotlight nanti. I bawak torchlight spare.

Awak fikir lawak awak tu tak mengaibkan orang? berpura-pura memecah belon di dada orang perempuan untuk mendapat gelak, lawak ker tu? Sengaja memalukan orang, lawak ker? Semasa lawak awak dipertontonkan, ada orang gelak tak? Awak perasan tak muka wanita yang awak perlekehkan tu? Lelaki sejati menghormati kehormatan rakan wanitanya.

Maka tamat lah segala geram di jiwa... I now release this anger. Thank you!